down in the Kitty Litter
I went down to the Brushtail Café on Friday evening the joint
had divided into tribal enclaves.
bunch of boofy blokes had gathered at the TV to fondle themselves surreptitiously
while they watched a video of Nigella Lawson having sex with food. The
woman is the Linda Lovelace of cooking; a culinary hussy who flirts
wantonly with the audience as she pops things in her mouth.
the corner by the window the Victims of Political Correctness Inc. were
having a few bitter drinks to mourn the fact that one of their best
and brightest, celebrity stockbroker Rene Rivkin, had been found guilty
over a small matter of insider trading. Graham Richo Richardson
was there, together with Alan The Parrot Jones, Trevor Kennedy,
Laurie Brereton, Ray Martin and old Bill Bible Basher Hayden,
surrounded by a bunch of gilded youths on the make: beautiful vapid
people of various sexes and few morals.
would be spending nine months of weekends pulling weeds on the banks
of Parramatta River and the Victims of PC felt it was a harsh and brutal
fate but when they began making violent speeches the Nigella fan club
lodged an official complaint to the management and Joadja told them
to tone it down.
Victims eyed me with loathing, no doubt because they knew I was still
working on the Offset Alpine case, a mysterious accident in 1992 in
which the company so many of them held shares in, burned down, just
after upping the insurance cover on its print shop -- valued on the
books at $4m -- to a handsome $53m. Offset Alpines share price
more than doubled after the fire and all except the insurers lived happily
fetched a cider and wandered over to join Old Possum and Abdul the Cabbie
who were mulling over mullahs, and the deepening quagmire in Iraq.
now we know how Saddam Hussein escaped and why the war ended so quickly,
Old remarked. Reuters and AFP got the story from various insiders
and I must say it rings true to me.
missed that. What happened? I asked.
it seems that Saddam had a number of close shaves with smart bomb attacks
and figured out that someone in his entourage was tipping off the Yanks.
Then he got word that three of the cousins hed promoted -- one
was a general in the Republican Guard and the other two seem to have
been in military intelligence -- were responsible. These blokes were
also telling the troops he was dead and encouraging them to abandon
their positions and go home.
one day -- the Yanks were already on the outskirts of Baghdad -- Saddam
decides to find out for sure. He casually remarked to the assembled
company that he was just popping down to the restaurant to pick up a
falafel. As was apparently his habit he walked out and hailed a cab
which was tailed at a discrete distance by his security
he walks into the restaurant and out the back door and a few minutes
later, kaboom, the Yanks send down three smart bombs. Saddam has his
proof. He rings up his hitmen and tells them to top the cousins. Now
thats cool. There never was a Mafia gangster with that sort of
but hang on, They didnt take out the restaurant, they hit the
homes next door, was that just poor targeting?
have been, but heres a nastier scenario: He makes the call to
the hitmen, leaves the line open and chucks the phone over the back
fence into the place next door.
about the people living there.
would think it is, like Americans say, collateral damage,
Abdul said. The Middle East is very hard place. Rulers only survive
by being hard man, like tyrant, bastard. This is true if they are nationalist,
Baathist, Shiia, Emire, Zionist, American doxy, whatever.
is true. And now Saddams sitting around in some deep cellar in
Baghdad or maybe Tikrit with his sons and great sacks of US dollars,
a cheap cassette recorder to make tapes for his followers, shelves full
of classy smallgoods and crates of Scotch
and only about three
people know the location.
hell be laughing about Bushs pathetic Roadmap to Peace
and the American occupation and the forthcoming war on Iran.
is understandable. The Bush gang has reproduced the bottomless political
mire of the West Bank on a gigantic scale, stretching from Tikrit to
you think that the Zionist attempt to create a normal society on the
basis of evicting the Palestinian Arabs from the land they had lived
in for centuries is stone crazy, imagine the burden the US has taken
on, occupying a huge nation like Iraq, with 25 million people, most
of whom hate their guts.
be no good outcome to this. The mullahs of the majority Shiites
hate the Yanks. Sure they were oppressed by Saddam, but they want an
Islamic state, which Bush wont let them have. The minority Sunnis
did well under Saddam but the Yanks will have to keep them in positions
of power in order the run the place. Trouble is, they hate the Yanks
as much as the Shiites do and many of them are loyal Baathists
who still revere Saddam.
adds up to this: a bunch of young American, British and Australian soldiers
are going to spend a lot of time manning sandbagged checkpoints, being
shot at and bombed by locals who smiled and said hello as they passed
by the day before. A lot of young soldiers will probably die. The deaths
will mount slowly -- in ones and twos on some days and none on others
-- but the numbers will surely grow. At least the place is as dry as
Kitty Litter. Dying for the Empire is always worse in the jungle.