travels faster than light
here that physicists at Princeton University have got light to travel
faster than the speed of light", said Joadja.
poked a tattered copy of the Herald under my snout. The front page was
dominated by a large pic of an elderly drag queen in a hot pink suit
and a huge pink hat garnished with pink ostrich feathers. According
to the caption this was the Queen Mother celebrating her 100th birthday,
after outliving even Barbara Cartland. How the English have the gall
to laugh patronisingly at Dame Edna Everedge is beyond me.
peered mournfully out of the bottom of the page, decorating an article
which announced that the speed-of-light barrier had been broken. Jesus
wept, I thought, somebody reckons they've done what's probably never
been done anywhere, at any time since the Big Bang, and the Herald runs
it at the bottom of a front page where they lead with "Tax chief's
despair over rorts" which is a headline any newspaper anywhere
could have run at any time in recorded history.
speed-of-light story got fewer column centimetres than the Queen Mother
in a fright suit. It was given less prominence than a giant pic of Ian
Thorp on page three, gazing soulfully upwards in the heroic pose popular
with Battle of Britain fighter pilots. Is this what they pay Paul McGeough
for? Is this what we get for letting the Bog Irish run the newspaper
just goes to prove how human-centric humans are. If this yarn isn't
some ghastly bit of scientific self-delusion, like the notorious Cold
Fusion affair, it's the biggest story in the history of the universe.
In the future, people ought to remember exactly where they were when
they first heard that light could travel faster than light the
same way old codgers can remember where they were when they heard that
John Kennedy had been shot, or Gough Whitlam dismissed.
Mother of Darwin", I muttered after I scanned through the story,
"Do you realise what this means? In principle, you could travel
backwards in time. You could witness the Kennedy assassination
go back to Dealey Plaza on the 22 November 1963 to see whether there
really was a gunman on the grassy knoll ... or go back to 1975 and dangle
a whiskey bottle in front of John Kerr so he'd have been too pissed
to dismiss Gough."
Or we could stand outside the Howard residence on the night John was
conceived chanting 'Don't do it Mrs Howard! Don't do it! Cross your
legs, Mrs Howard!" Jo giggled. "But you're getting this thing
all out of proportion, Nick. It's nothing new. Bullshit has always moved
faster than light. Just this week there's been Star Wars and Starbucks"
there's this dangerous nonsense about anti-missile shields that the
US military have started pushing again. Even old Malcolm Fraser reckons
we should show some spine and oppose it. And then there's Natasha Stott-Despodja
opening the first Starbucks."
that took my breath away", I replied. "The Democrats put themselves
forward as the party of small business and there she is opening the
first Starbucks, and telling everybody how environmentally sensitive
they are. I mean, Starbucks are the McDonald's of coffee!"
on! We can make a motza out of this. All we gotta do is find a really
big source of bullshit and then focus the bullshit in the one direction
and we've got the legendary hyperdrive engine! It'll power the exploration
of the galaxy! You hit the internet and hire some physicists and I'll
write the business plan."
that's how we got into partnership with Federal Parliament Inc.